I don't know what words are right. All I do know is that sometimes life throws you one wicked curve ball. I love Taylor to bits but sometimes I find it hard to figure out what she needs. I know she needs food, shelter, water, and a clean place to live. Man is it hard to do all that in one day with her crying and my mind snapping. I takes med.s for depression and boy does that throw my life threw a loop. I am a Bipolar mom. What that means I haven't really figured out. I don't want my daughter to be embarrassed of me. I don't want her to fear me. How does someone deal with that? I really don't know. I do know that with this blog I might be able to figure things out. I am scared to lose John or Taylor. I will do what ever I can to make sure I won't. I love them both dearly and want nothing more then to see us all happy and stable. I know with this disorder that it will be hard and long bumpy road ahead of us. But one thing that keeps me smiling is that I won't go threw this alone. I for one will try my hardest to relearn how to be a mother, wife, and lover just to make sure my family stays happy. I want nothing more then to see them smile and be happy.
Friday, March 30, 2007
This is a new beginning
So I begin this with hesitaion. I am 25 and just now becoming a mom. Its funny when I think back and everyone thought I would be 16 and a mom. I laugh at them now! My daughter is 3 months now and boy has this been a fun ride. I have been thru birth and feel like a woman now. No one could prepare me for what comes after you bring your little bundle of "joy" home. I have dealt with crying and pooping and everthing in between. The one thing that I have to admit is that I love her with every part of my being. I have traveled cross country with her and well we made it just fine. I couldn't see life without her at all. In the beginning I wondered what I had gotten myself into but now I know I just had to grow up. Taylor is just 3 months this month and I am so excited we get to start solids soon. I just don't know what to think. What if I do something wrong? I know her belly is sensitive. Just the things that I think of. I have learned what her crys mean and how she likes her bath water. I had to grow up to a new level and boy is it hard. I will live and survive as I always have.
